mulberryshoots

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" ~ Mary Oliver

Category: Life & Spirit

“voting with your life!” . . .

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“voting with your life!” – that’s how Sally Mann has lived hers. I’ve been reading her newly published memoir called, “Hold Still: a Memoir with Photographs” and have been struck by how well she writes even though she’s known for her photography. As you may know, images of her children created an outcry years ago, due to their ease with their nudity. I’ve only read a few chapters but it’s enthralling – a refreshingly passionate book and eye-opening at the same time.

So I thought about what “voting with your life” means to me: it means showing up for the people you love when it matters most; standing by your integrity and values when the going gets rough (when doesn’t it?); and coming to peace with dying when the time comes.

“YMCA!” . . .

village people Y M C A 13Well, I finally bit the bullet and joined our local YMCA yesterday. They offer senior strength exercise classes, water walking and aquacize classes plus a “fit, functional and fun” class that are scattered throughout the week. I usually overdo anything new in the beginning and then max out, but this time I plan to start gradually and see if I can keep it up.

C. sent me this video clip of the “YMCA” to cheer me on. It was made in 1978 and is truly uplifting: the Cowboy and the Indian are my favorites!

Spring miracles . . .

 

Clematis "Montana - Nelly Moser" branching out under the bay window

Clematis “Montana – Nelly Moser” branching out under the bay window

Our Queen Anne Victorian house has a pink clematis climbing up one corner, then branches out into two lanes, one to the left and one to the right underneath a second floor bay window.

It is the FIFTH plant that has followed this pattern, the first one planted almost twenty years ago; then a bad winter befell the vine after some years and no more leaves showed up the following Spring. I planted successive ones over the next decade that either grew slowly or not at all. They were all the same color with the same species name: Clematis “Nelly Moser.”clematis %22Montana%22

This Spring, after the snowiest winter in Boston’s history, a climbing clematis was the furthest thing from my mind until I caught a glimpse of it this week while unloading groceries from the back of the car. Gardens and Mother Nature move along at their own pace. If we’re lucky, we may have a small hand in it now and then.

What a joy it is to see these familiar pink flowers reappear! It also reminds me that Hope Springs Eternal, even when I’ve almost forgotten about it.

 

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tastes, part 2! . . .

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It’s been about a month now since I embarked on an immersion course to explore ways of eating to lose some weight and lower my blood glucose level. I’ve tested a panoply of new recipes including baking with gluten-free flours, alternative sugars and reading cookbooks by health gurus (Mark Hyman and Joel Fuhrman) plus “Superfood” cooking gurus such as Julie Morris and other cooking mavens.

After a three week precipitous drop in my glucose level which I was excited about, I was disheartened to find that it went up ten points after only one week of eating gluten-free muffins and gluten-free pasta, I learned the hard way that there are potentially MORE CARBS in gluten-free ingredients than in those with gluten. Moreover, honestly, the various muffins I tried tasted just awful even though the GF spaghetti was appetizing. So much for the large cardboard box of newly acquired gluten-free flours, coconut sugar, sucanet that I’ll remove from my pantry, hoping to find someone who’s gung-ho on using them.

I’ve decided that my modus operandi will be to AVOID baking anything for awhile. Period. But when the time comes, maybe in the Fall or around the holidays, I’ll make wonderful high puffed popovers and maybe a cake or pie or two. In other words, LESS (flour & sugar) might be MORE, health-wise, but it won’t just disappear from my life. And when these ingredients are called for, I’ll use unbleached regular flour and turbinado sugar – just as in the past and everything will turn out tasting delicious. And so, we’ll also know that we can continue to live a little. – just in moderation.

My brother has reminded me a couple of times that he lost ten pounds last year just by cutting out carbs and fast food. By eschewing gluten-free products, we’ll actually be cutting out carbs we didn’t realize we were using!

Another thing I discovered is that SMOOTHIES are just not my thing. It takes too many various ingredients for a single smoothie recipe; and a whole slew of other ones for a different smoothie. It also usually requires freezing a banana – and eating a whole banana (which has a lot of sugar); plus various bags of frozen fruit full of sugar which never get finished and cramp up the freezer. I also confess that I usually can’t finish the smoothie even though I make smaller portions AND it’s a nuisance to clean the blender (which can go in the dishwasher) or the Vitamix (which runs soapy water to clean it out. So, there go the packets of hemp and chia seeds and other exotic ingredients that I can’t even remember the name of them – substitutes for cocoa and so on– that will go into the same box as the gluten-free ingredients. I’m sorry that smoothies gotta go even though they look so delectable in Julie Morris’s “Superfood Smoothies” cookbook.

Although I realize I am sounding like a health food heretic, I am nevertheless now going to name the one food that has become the Holy Grail of healthy eating (even Bill Clinton!) and that is . . . KALE. I’ve tried massaging kale leaves with olive oil and/or dressing to help it absorb the flavor. I actually really like the LOOK of lacinato kale with its bumpy ridges and dark green color. I just don’t like the taste and I’ve tried it numerous ways: sauteed, in salads, in smoothies. It’s just not a vegetable that I feel compatible with. It almost feels sacriligious to type out these words: “I d-o-n-‘t  l-i-k-e  K-A-L-E!”

I don’t feel bad about these experiments though, because this journey is about gradually shifting our eating lifestyle to something we’ll want to keep eating.. We haven’t had any red meat in all this time and neither G. nor I have a desire to have any either. Our weekly menus have included wild caught grey sole which we enjoy simply cooked meuniere style with a little lemon butter and parsley.

Homemade vegetable soup once a week has supplied us with warm broth on chilly, rainy days as well as providing a “stone soup” concept for using up vegetables before they spoil. Making salads that are composed and attractive in a wooden bowl along with some new salad dressings have been a boon too. A fresh buttermilk peppercorn ranch dressing tops them all. To the online recipe, I increased the amount of Hellmann’s mayonnaise and sour cream, added lemon zest and a squeeze of lemon juice, a dab of honey and six grindings of multi-colored peppercorns into the mix. We thought it tasted divine, unlike the sometimes gloppy ranch dressings we’ve had in the past.

I found that drinking a large pottery tea bowl of green tea in the middle of the afternoon is a good substitute for when I’m thinking about having a snack.

So, there it is: I’ve bought tons of baking and smoothie ingredients, read books and experimented with numerous recipes that have drawn me to these very personal conclusions: I’ll bake less often but when I do, I’ll use regular ingredients; I won’t be making smoothies in the near future but will use my blenders to process delicious cream of cucumber soup and other dishes. And finally, I’ll pass up buying lacinato kale and maybe even collard greens. But I’ll still fill up my basket with broccoli, cauliflower, English peas, romaine, arugula and butter lettuces, mushrooms, brussels sprouts, eggplant, artichokes and garden fresh spinach. We’ll wait until the cool Fall and Winter months to bake Japanese sweet potatoes, acorn squash and other starchy root vegetables.

I’m still feeling optimistic after these lessons learned. Unless we enjoy what we eat, a new lifestyle of eating won’t last for very long. I can’t just follow recipes of food that don’t appeal to our palate. And some of the recipes have long lists of ingredients that require more effort than the simple way that I like to cook. The tweaking I’ve described above feels good to me although they might not be for everyone. And I feel a little lighter now that I don’t feel forced to conform to foods (and fads) that don’t taste or feel right for the way we live and the way I like to cook.

Bon Appetit! To each our own!

 

 

tastes . . .

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I feel like I’ve been on a quest for Jason’s golden fleece these past few weeks. You know, go out and rescue yourself by seeking a noble impossibility. Well, it hasn’t been that bad but there have been a lot of dead ends. Expensive too when considering a new pantry of ingredients, some of which I’m not sure I’ll use again. But, that’s what trial and error means, I guess.

As described in the past few posts, I’ve gone from one extreme (foodie Paleo) to another (strict Vegan) and come out somewhere in the middle: “Pegan.” However, the one guiding principle that I intuitively adhere to during this wayward journey is that if the food doesn’t taste good to my palate and it isn’t something that I truly like to eat, then, it’s a wayward journey and not one that will be sustainable. It’s like travelling on vacation somewhere and you just don’t like the cuisine. Even if it’s good for you, you won’t keep wanting to eat it.

So.

Today, a volume in my bookshelf caught my eye called “Crisp” published by Marie Claire, the magazine. It’s a beauty to look at with imaginative, many Asian-inspired recipes for simple bites of delicious looking, light fare. Given what I’ve learned in the past few weeks, sugar and flour can be substituted with agave nectar or stevia and I now have gluten-free flour in the pantry. Most of the recipes are fresh vegetables and small amounts of protein. The difference between this approach and “Eat to Live” (Joel Fuhrman’s cookbook) for example, is that it doesn’t feel medicinal or health-food-like at ALL. It also doesn’t require a five inch list of ingredients either.

“Crisp” is beautifully photographed, contains few-ingredient recipes, and approaches healthy foodie in a good way. Finally. A “Pegan-Foodie” blend that doesn’t break the bank when going to Trader Joe’s. I am going to wait a few days to go to ANY grocery store until there’s more room in the fridge now containing kale, collard greens, zucchini, broccoli.

Tonight, I’m going to try a recipe from Julie Morris’s book, “Superfood Kitchen” for supper: zucchini “linguine” with onions, dulse (seaweed) and walnuts. A salad of butter lettuce, english cucumber and red onions with a ginger vinaigrette.

That sounds good, doesn’t it?

 

 

a secret to life . . .

DSC_0720Guess what? I had a medical diagnosis from the doctor I’ve been going to for over thirty years recently that has challenged me to get my health on to a better track. It’s been interesting to observe my process since then. I’ve taken out library books and purchased a few from Amazon plus reading online to get the lay of the land. It’s nothing new, perhaps, but it’s now urgent to eat better and lose weight. At first, I thought that a strict regimen for 6 weeks that would cut out sugar and glycemic foods such as bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, pasta, sweet potatoes, beets, fruit and fruit juice would be sufficient to lose about 5-8 pounds during that time. Apparently, that’s not enough, especially if you have high blood sugar readings (which I do.) Medication might help to reduce it too but that alone won’t be enough either. My doctor told me that 30 minutes of VIGOROUS exercise would make a big difference.

Disappointed, I began thinking about how to get vigorous exercise when my right ankle with 13 plates and screws in it from being broken last year was stiff most of the time and sore as well. I’d been avoiding exercising it because it seemed to resist whatever I did. Anyhow, I got off my duff, put on my jacket and walked out of the house before breakfast yesterday. I walked pretty slowly until a woman passed me, waving “hi” and walking at least twice as fast as I was. Today, I went out after breakfast and started walking rapidly, moving my arms in sync with my stride. I discovered a place to walk nearby that was level (unlike yesterday’s mountain climb up hills to get home from the post office) and broad – an empty parking lot ringed by flowering trees just a ways down from my house. I walked at the newer, rapid pace with arms moving (almost power-walking, I think) and felt good when I got home.tassel necklace photo

Afterwards, I drank two glasses of water and my mood was much better than it has been for awhile. My goal is to counter the conventional wisdom that it’s hard to lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks (why not?) and to show up for my physical scheduled on July 13th having accomplished that even though my doctor cautioned me not to be disappointed. My personality is such that having a finite goal and then being challenged that it’s not do-able, is the carrot that makes me determined to succeed. The “against all odds” bit that you see in movies and stuff.

The other thing I have focused on is how to reduce the stress in my life. And that is to find novel ways to clean up the relationships in my life that are either toxic, frustrating or disappointing. I guess all of us have some of these some of the time. But I am determined to reclaim what’s been good and to assuage what seems to be impossible to regain. Towards that end, I’ve decided to express myself to people about things that have been unspoken for some time. But at least, it’s a chance to do something (to act) rather than never to act. You might know what I mean. Some families NEVER talk or communicate about what’s really important. Then, people die, and there’s no opportunity to gain better understanding or emotional completion in some meaningful way.

So, the title of this post, “a secret to life” is simple: take the best care of yourself that you can. Only we can do it for ourselves. Only we can stop making excuses about how we hate exercise or have a broken ankle or enjoy cooking too much to MODIFY it and learn something new. It does take effort. Mostly, it requires taking the blinders off of denial, procrastination, prevarication, laziness and whatever is keeping us from dealing with it. The “it” is different for each of us. I let things go until my “it” was giving me symptoms that alarmed me and forced me to face the music.

I have found that the music is not that bad. I think of myself as having a pretty straightforward approach to things. Apparently that is not the case. Now, I am making corrections all over the place. It won’t happen overnight but I am at least hoping for some tangible changes in six weeks. The relationship stuff might never work out but it’s not because I haven’t tried my best. The other night, G. and I were supposed to go out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary. Instead, our new tenants were two hours late and I went out to the local Chinese take-out restaurant. The food was over-salty and not that great. Afterwards, I picked up my fortune cookie. Inside it was this message:

 “An upward movement initiated in time can counteract fate.”

What do you think about THAT?

Postscript:

My doctor’s office called after this post and rescheduled my physical to the beginning of September. Hallelujah! That gives me three full months to turn my blood glucose readings around (June, July & August.) I’ve been doing the “pre-prep” by gradually weaning myself off of sugar, gluten, dairy and minimizing protein. Three months may only be a quarter of a year. But these next three months will be a great chance to improve things little by little.

 

blooming!

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Apparently, eating better and less is not enough to get healthier, fast! Half an hour of “vigorous exercise” would do it, though, my doctor opines. The ankle I broke last year has 13 plates and screws in it which inhibits me from jumping around, running or even walking fast. But never fear. I decided to walk to the post office today and back. We live on top of a (very) high hill. So getting there (going downhill) was relatively easy. Getting back was another story.

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The real benefit of walking during this mid-Springtime is that it’s easier to notice that the flowering trees are all in bloom and there are lots of flowers growing on the ground as I pass by.

On my trek to the post office, I saw: white johnny jump-ups, lilies of the valley, daffodils and narcissus, of course, lots of dandelions, azalea, dogwood, weeping cherry, crabapple blossoms, apple blossoms, pear blossoms, forsythia and a magnificent magnolia tree (white and so glorious!)

Purple and white lilacs are out, honeysuckle and this morning, I noticed that the wisteria in front of the barn is awash in lavender tendrils for the first time!

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crone . . .

K in dark glasses for Bonnie

Yesterday, someone gently described me as having entered the phase of my life known as “crone.” It’s not as bad as it sounds. In fact, definitions for the word, “crone” include:

“an old woman”

“an archetypal figure: a wise woman”

Furthermore, “Croning is a rite of passage into an era of wisdom, freedom, and personal power.”

She also mentioned that at this stage in life, that we don’t have to feel responsible for how our children turn out because they are on their own paths. And that we have all done the best we could raising them. I’m so relieved to hear that I don’t have to work on it anymore. For some reason, I had thought it was my job until the bitter end.

Thank God I can take a permanent vacation from it starting now. It’s not up to me anymore, it’s up to them. Now, I’m on easy street!

me as crone with groucho marx glasses on . . .

me as crone with groucho marx glasses on . . .

 

 

 

“these are our days” . . .

garden with plantersSometimes it’s hard to remember what we were like twenty years ago. Since then, we may have grown our hair out, gained weight, lost some but still weigh a little more than we did back then. Even more weighty is what our experience has been since then: how did we make out in our professional careers; what do we do and how do we spend our time now? Most importantly, what’s left that we would like to have out of our days while we are in what’s been called our “third chapter?”

G and I when we first met, >twenty years ago. . .

G and I when we first met, >twenty years ago. . .

I’d been thinking about these questions when I came across an article about Carey Mulligan, the actor who appears to be more independent than most. On her dressing room mirror, written in eyebrow pencil are the words:

“These are our days.

Walk them.

Fear Nothing.”

How pure, I thought. No extra words or flourishes. No project management flavored goals, timelines or milestones. How refreshingly free of “shoulda, coulda, woulda” thoughts. No plans nor agendas. Walking is something we do everyday. Pace yourself.

“Fear nothing” is the best advice of all. Upload into the Universe what you can’t manage anymore. Sew them up with tiny stitches and put them away, Push them through the opening and zip the cover tight. Breathe naturally. Since doing that, I’ve found that nervous tics go away. So does a lot more.

Today is Sunday and the day is filled with sunlight and a light breeze that makes the trees sway. G. is tuning a piano downstairs before it is delivered to a new home this afternoon. (How lucky we are that he does what he does with pianos and that we live in this beautiful home!) I’m drinking the last of the coffee and reading my Sunday New York Times newspaper which I relish as one of the luxuries of my week.

our weeping cherry tree flowers every year around May 1st. . .

our weeping cherry tree flowers every year around May 1st. . .

Tomorrow, our new tenants for the front apartment will be coming by for supper. I thought I’d make a vegetarian dish called “Buddha’s Delight” and we’ll make scallion pancakes together. They’ve said that they love dumplings so we’ll make them later on in the Fall after they’ve moved in and things settle down. Earlier in the afternoon, I’ll make some homemade dashi broth with kombu seaweed and bonito flakes; strain it and add some white miso, tofu and green onions for our soup. A good new start to living here in the “piano house.” I hope things work out and that we’ll have a good time.heuchera planters 1jpg

The spring ceramic planters I bought at Lowe’s are filled with dramatically colorful heuchera plants whose leaves contrast with each other against the green of the pots. Coral bells have always been some of my favorite kinds of plants because of the unusual colors the leaves are (chartreuse, light orange and deep maroon) their stems of tiny coral flowers swaying in the breeze.

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My idea is to let them grow for awhile in the planters, then place them in the ground. That will allow the pots to change their look and contents with other plantings that catch my eye as the growing season progresses: knee high cosmos plants during the summer, or statuesque foxgloves for example; bright, deep-colored chrysanthemums in the Fall. It will be fun to rotate what’s in the planters outside and mostly, it will be fun to anticipate, fearing nothing.

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curve ball . . .

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Sometimes when you’re tootling along, life throws you a curve ball and it makes you stop in your tracks. That happened to me yesterday and I was momentarily disoriented. I’ve been reading lots of stuff by people like Byron Katie who has a process called “the work” posing a number of questions you’re supposed to ask yourself about an idea or thought you have, like “is it true,” and “is it really true?”

Well, I didn’t have to think long and hard about those questions which are meant to illustrate to the questioner that what you think might be true is actually nothing but a projection on your part and that what you’re upset about doesn’t really exist. That’s handy some of the time because I do agree that we go around projecting a lot, manifesting our hopes and frustrations in ways that fool us into thinking we’re upset about one thing when it’s actually ourselves we’re upset at.

But it’s not always the case either. There have been times when I’ve felt like giving up a struggle or two because it’s not my job, necessarily, to try to tie things up in a nice bow with the people in my life. That’s the Uber-project manager in me, striving to make sure that there’s enough time and opportunity to allow for the most positive outcome in one’s family before it’s too late.

Of course, saying “it’s too late” is just an easier way of saying “before we die.”. And it seems most people may not care about that and at least, are too busy living their lives right now to think about anything else. So, maybe it would be a good idea to just live my life and enjoy each day instead.

My canary is singing his head off these days and it’s really sweet to hear him splashing away in his water cup, taking a refreshing break from just sitting around in his cage. It’s almost the end of April and it feels like a good day to “break out the barbie” as they like to say in Australia.

So, I went out on the back deck and cleaned off the grate of our cast iron hibachi (I don’t believe in gas grills which feel to me like we’ve just moved the stove outside and turned on the gas.) Wood-smoked charcoal, slowly turning grey as it heats up is what grilling means to me. So tonight, we’ll christen the grill with marinated, boned chicken thighs which cook evenly and more quickly than those that still have the bone in.

I’m impressed with Bobby Flay’s cookbooks like “Grill It” and look forward to using some of his marinades that are a littler more piquant than what we’re used to, using chilis and fresh lime juice. After grilling the chicken tonight, might also look for a recipe for grilling a nice piece of flank steak that I brought home from the grocery store today.

Anyhow, grounding oneself in mundane things like what to cook for dinner and looking forward to making a charcoal fire in the hibachi is a good way to counteract curve balls that land in one’s lap. I’m not doing it – that is, obsessing about it (“is it true?”) or anything like that.

Just cutting a handful of daffodils and budding twigs from our weeping cherry tree to enjoy indoors  and to share with George’s family across the street.