"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" ~ Mary Oliver

Tag: know thyself

revelations . . .

The Universe works in mysterious ways. In my experience, it almost never agrees with the way I am thinking about things. When I am brought face to face with the true meaning of something that is different from what I thought had happened, I am bowled over by it and humbled that I even had the idea that I could figure it out by myself. Does this ever happen to you?

All my life, I’ve been conscious of and tried to dissect certain subterranean things that seemed to flow through the weaving of my life. For a long time, I couldn’t figure it out. But I had an inkling that there was a greater truth to who I am. And more importantly, WHY I am who I am. Well, as of today, I understand it wholly for the first time.

Without getting into details, I can say that the pieces of the puzzle have to do with genetics, with the role of parents and other behavioral patterns that created nubs in the fabric of my past. We all have that, don’t you think? at least when you read memoirs and observe ourselves whether looking in the mirror, or not? Actually, mine seem pretty tame compared to those of writers who describe mental illness and other inherited disabilities that run through their families.

In my case, it’s not mild but it’s not heavy either. I marvel at the fact that I have managed to survive as well as I have despite the setbacks, the social stigma I experienced from being awkward and too direct or whatever.

What these revelations have resulted in, though, as hard as it has been to be brave and honest about warts and all, is. . . peace of mind. I finally know. And I finally understand. And now, I can breathe easier that there is no great secret in the sky that I’ve been missing about myself all this time. They say that “an unobserved life is a life unlived,” or something like that. Many don’t want to know much and maybe they’re happier that way.

For me, it’s revelatory and a relief. I think I’ll take the day off to recover.


“my favorite day” . . .

Have you ever had a chance to take part in something you thought would be incredible, did your best and then something happened that deflated you towards the end? For me, it felt like listening to a performance of a grand symphony when suddenly there were a couple sour notes at the end that were hard to ignore.

After some reflection, I’ve stopped thinking and worrying about the reactions of other people: since there’s nothing you can do about them anyway, especially people that you’ve met casually and don’t even know. What I have found instead is a rich repertoire of lessons learned on a personal level that I can take from it. And to decide on my own what to do next and not rely on what others might choose to do or not do. You can’t do anything about their behavior. But you can do a lot about your own. The wisdom to know the difference helps at a time like this.

Today, I’ve found the answer to when human beings react by circling the wagons to protect their own. As I saw on someone’s Facebook header just yesterday:

“What day is it? asked Pooh
It’s today! squeaked Piglet
My favorite day! said Pooh”

I am reminded once again by the all-wise Universe not to sweat the small stuff and to know the difference between what we can do versus what we can’t do anything about. Why is it so hard to remember that I wonder?