revelations . . .

by mulberryshoots


The Universe works in mysterious ways. In my experience, it almost never agrees with the way I am thinking about things. When I am brought face to face with the true meaning of something that is different from what I thought had happened, I am bowled over by it and humbled that I even had the idea that I could figure it out by myself. Does this ever happen to you?

All my life, I’ve been conscious of and tried to dissect certain subterranean things that seemed to flow through the weaving of my life. For a long time, I couldn’t figure it out. But I had an inkling that there was a greater truth to who I am. And more importantly, WHY I am who I am. Well, as of today, I understand it wholly for the first time.

Without getting into details, I can say that the pieces of the puzzle have to do with genetics, with the role of parents and other behavioral patterns that created nubs in the fabric of my past. We all have that, don’t you think? at least when you read memoirs and observe ourselves whether looking in the mirror, or not? Actually, mine seem pretty tame compared to those of writers who describe mental illness and other inherited disabilities that run through their families.

In my case, it’s not mild but it’s not heavy either. I marvel at the fact that I have managed to survive as well as I have despite the setbacks, the social stigma I experienced from being awkward and too direct or whatever.

What these revelations have resulted in, though, as hard as it has been to be brave and honest about warts and all, is. . . peace of mind. I finally know. And I finally understand. And now, I can breathe easier that there is no great secret in the sky that I’ve been missing about myself all this time. They say that “an unobserved life is a life unlived,” or something like that. Many don’t want to know much and maybe they’re happier that way.

For me, it’s revelatory and a relief. I think I’ll take the day off to recover.